A former Diva turned Earth chick rambles on about her interests in health, beauty, cooking and whatever odd diet I am on at the moment, house renovations, interior design, vintage fashion/design, urban gardening, food, cooking, astrophysics, puppies, and whatever else catches her attention span. Welcome to My Life.
I hate reading blogs that end abruptly, leaving you hanging... better a late update than never.
I am currently on day 1 of fruit and juices only (after over a week respite).
In the meantime, I've been (mostly) vegan. I've also been really, really busy getting ready for a big family party on June 2nd. I have to cook for at least 200 people, so I am really exhausted right now.
My workouts have been non-existent. I am starting over the first Monday in June.
I am in some pain right now... just finished a workout. I am not typing much, except to say that I am still hanging in there with plenty of energy. Have been mostly working in the garden/working out. I think I will likely do the entire month or longer.
It's been rather difficult for me to keep up with blogging daily, since I've been busy in my garden with Spring plantings. I am currently building a trellis system for my newest vegetable bed we just plowed up from former lawn.
The best news is that the chia seeds in the swill seem to be giving me boundless energy, as promised. I've been able to work long hours in the garden AND complete my BBL Beachbody workouts everyday.
The only difficulty is fighting the hunger cravings as soon as I come in from working or working out. If I drink immediately, I am golden and they go away. The longer one is on the cleanse, the easier it gets. However, psychologically it becomes more difficult. Your mind always tries to bargain with itself at this point.
I noticed that old injuries now are resurfacing, like this article says would happen in longer fasts. I have an old back injury from a fall two years ago that's giving me a bit of trouble. Hopefully this healing crisis will pass soon. It's not painful, per se, but is uncomfortable when I lay on it.
I've been feeling really happy this week :)
The Beachbody BBL workouts have been killer. I am seeing minor changes in shape already, which encourages me to keep going. All in all, I've been feeling fantastic! I've been having some insomnia issues from the massive amount of energy lately. Hard work is the best remedy for this, I've found.
Today I completed my first BBL workout in 2 yrs(well, it *was* the 7th when I did the first workout, but I doubt I have the energy to finish the post on the same day). Day one's workout, according to the 'high and tight' rotation, is called Bum Bum. It's probably the most difficult workout in the series.
Needless to say, I was SO out of shape from not working out, that I didn't finish the entire thing and melted into a puddle on the floor. Luckily, I am stubborn as Hell, so I know I will eventually surmount my current lack of coordination/endurance. For now, let's just say it was a killer.
I took before/after shots, which shocked and sobered me right up. I have a long way to go before I am back to where I was 2 yrs ago. I will not be posting pics right now, since I can barely muster enough courage to look at them more than once.
I will be blogging more about Brazil Butt Lift and what it's about after I have a nice, long sleep. It's from the same people who make p90x.
I am still here, feeling fantastic. I've been taking care of things around my home that I had to neglect the first 10 days due to being flat on my back/sick the entire time.
I tried on a size 6 skirt last night and was able to zip it up all the way (however, it's still too tight to wear out). Last month, I had a good 2 inches gap in the zipper area, so I am getting close to what my goal is. I am very happy as a size 5/6. I am a naturally curvy person and love that. I will never be 'fashionably slim' and that is ok, because my body type isn't of a slim hipped sort.
The chia seeds work better than SWF or any laxative tea for me. My blood sugar is stabilized, I've been losing *more* weight, actually, since starting it. I also don't feel as sick anymore. I don't mind a 'slower' cleanse (though it doesn't seem to be slowing it at all), as long as I am not comatose.
I've been working on my gardens mostly and taking advantage of the beautiful spring weather. It feels good to MOVE.
I removed the "30 Days" from my MC Journey title because I am not so sure if I can do it right now. I just want to take each day as it comes at this point.
I can honestly say that in my decade of doing numerous master cleanses, this has to be the toughest detox I've *ever* experienced. I don't know if it's because I've gone three years between now and the last one or what. I know I've eaten really poorly over the last few years (mostly). All I can say is that I am feeling every nasty thing this time around. I was completely unable to do anything but lay on my back for the entire 10 days. I had been drinking more than enough swill and water, but felt constantly dehydrated. I was dizzy, flu-ish, could barely move. Days 9 and 10 were kind of scary, actually.
Starting on day 10 I decided to add chia seeds to the detox after being inspired by this website. I figured if I did it by the purist method for the first 10 days, I could do the modified MC for the remainder. After adding the chia to the swill, I was immediately better. I believe I was having blood sugar problems this time around, for whatever reason. I've never had that problem in any other previous MC.
I have to add this: If you're feeling dizzy when you stand and additional swill isn't helping-- if you're so mean, it's like a rabid grizzly bear with PMS-- you MAY (like me) be experiencing some blood sugar issues.
"Chia seed is an ancient superfood
that is currently experiencing a glorious renaissance ;) It is a member
of the sage family (Salvia Hispanica). The little black and white seeds
were once a staple of the Incan, Mayan and Aztec cultures, along with
the Native Americans of the southwest.
"Chia" is actually the Mayan word for strength. The seeds were used by
these ancient cultures as mega-energy food, especially for their running
messengers, who would carry a small pouch of it with them. Chia has
been called 'Indian Running Food' and gives an incredibly 'sustaining'
surge of energy." Another site lists the 10 benefits of Chia seeds, here are some which I can attest to be true so far for me:
- lose weight without starving
These little seeds, when added to the cleanse, become like the mexican drink "Chia Fresca" and expand. They also expand in you tummy and keep it full for hours. - balances blood sugar According to this article, chia is known to be a godsend to hypoglycemics anddiabetics. My blood sugar was wacky this master cleanse. The minute I drank these in my swill, I felt IMMEDIATE relief and was back to my old self. Maybe I was pre-diabetic or something prior to the start of this cleanse? I don't know, but it's something to talk to my doctor about. (He's pro-MC, btw)
- Help Prevent Diverticulitis /Diverticulosis
My sister was just diagnosed with this condition. I have IBS (which is one of the reasons why I started doing the MC a decade ago-- it's helped my condition if I do it a few times a year). The chia seeds 'sweeps' your intestinal tract clean, without the cramping and problems caused by laxatives or the SWF.
- Add healthy omega-3 oil to your diet
This is the stuff in fish oil, without the nasty fishy burp aftertaste.
Me on day 9 or 10, covered in gardening dirt
- Feel more energized all day long
Yesterday, after my first dose of chia swill, I was able to go outside and garden, shop, and be a normal human being after 10 days of nothing but deathbed-like symptoms. I felt great, too!
In addition, these seed powerhouses also KEEP YOU FROM BECOMING DEHYDRATED
So, yeah, I am going to go as long as I can (with the addition of chia) from here on out.
I like the idea of being able to STAY on this cleanse and continuing to reap as many benefits as possible, with less discomfort to my body.
SPEAKING of my body- I am down about 11 lbs in 11 days. I looked at my forearms this morning and they looked positively delicate (ha!)! I am starting to look like my old self again and am losing that square bottomed look I acquired this year. My collarbones are coming back and I am losing the "Elvis needs to die in the toilet" bloat.
Just a quick note to let everyone know that I am on day 10 today--
Day 9 was horrible. No matter how much I drank, I would become dizzier and more dehydrated. I could barely walk. I've *never* experienced symptoms like this, for so long, with SUCH severity in the 10 yrs since I've been doing the MC.
I am feeling much better today, but will be adding chia to my cleanse after day 10.
Today was a slightly craptastic day. I had trouble (again) sleeping last night and woke 4 hours after I'd finally gone to bed.
The cravings on day 7 were pretty intense. At about midnight, I started having an intense desire for a triple cheeseburger with BACON, which is odd considering I am a vegetarian and don't usually eat that stuff.
I was actually pretty darn positive and happy for most of the morning and afternoon- so much so that I decided to go outside and do some gardening in the beautiful weather we're currently experiencing. That hour of movement took all the wind out of my sails and I ended up back in bed for an hour nap. I've been having lots of pains in my lower back, which is odd considering all the liquids I am drinking. I am just exhausted, period.
This MC has (without a doubt) been the most intensely exhausting one to date-- and I've done MANY master cleanses over the last decade. I honestly think that the 3 yrs. I've spent away from regular detoxing is mostly to blame. Prior to this MC, I was on an Ayurvedic mung and rice cleanse(which I LOVE and will actually go back on after completing this MC) for 40 days. My eating has been really clean for about 3 months. However, I'd been really, really awful with my diet before that and now I am paying the piper.
It's been ONE WEEK! WOOHOO! An *entire* SEVEN days!
I had SO much planned to do today, but I did nothing (well, nothing
practical) instead. All this great energy was completely wasted.
I started the day feeling better than I have all week... then the national news re: the Occupy protests and the Chicago NATO military buildup sidetracked me, which made me forget to drink swill... which made me feel oogey after I had a glass... and which leads me to now, where I am in typing in an exhausted heap from my bed.
I realized today that the act of thinking takes up a lot more energy on the Master Cleanse than it normally seems to when one is eating.
One of these days, my spring cleaning *will* happen, mark my words
My niece, who is 7 months pregnant, called today. She was upset that her doctor told her they're putting her on bed rest.
Me: What exactly is bed rest? What can you do? Lay around and have sex all day or what?
My niece (in a sad voice): Noooo... I have to lay here and can only get up to eat or go to the bathroom.
Me: Really?! That's it? Then I've been on bed rest my entire life and it's AWESOME.
I realized that the only difference between my niece's current circumstances and my own (at the moment) was that she GETS TO EAT SOLID FOOD... we both find ourselves laying on our backs, feeling out of sorts. At this point, I think I would gladly trade her.
you're welcome
IN Master Cleanse news today:
~The insides of my mouth taste like a sour sweat sock coated in dog's drool. My tongue is coated so thickly that I am sure the bacteria there think it's a white Christmas. No matter how much I use the tongue scraper, it never seems to all go away.
~I am thinner, the kind of thinner that I can gauge with my own dysmorphic eyeballs. I need to get my tuchas exercising soon. Thin with lumps is not a good look for me. When the legs look like you're hiding mice under your thigh skin, it's time to move that bootay.
~I've finally given in to my first bit of food porn. I caught myself drooling over some Italian cabage and garlic recipe this afternoon. I went as far as posting a link to it on my facebook page. I've tried SO hard not to go to food sites this time around, but my evil fingers didn't listen today.
~I am a foofy in the brain... no attention span yet and a bit forgetful.
Will type more later, if things happen :)
11 pm
This evening has been the most difficult day for me so far re cravings. I've been battling the desire to break (but I won't. I am more stubborn that that) all night. Grrr...
It was so bad that I even did the SWF and this was not a good idea at all. I felt worse.
My stomach has been cramping for most of the afternoon and the pains have been horrible. I keep drinking to keep things flowing, but have almost thrown up a few times. My period, which was over a week ago, reappeared in one sudden gush during one trip to the loo. I wouldn't say it was my monthly, but things are definitely getting expelled.
This post is brief because I feel worse than I've ever felt on the MC.
I used to do this 2-4x a year... this master cleanse I am currently on is the first one in over 3 years. I have a *lot* of toxins to cleanse, I think. I feel like a first-timer all over again.
In better news, I have ZERO desire to eat and am less cranky today.
Later that evening:
Started to feel better after more eliminations. My tongue is coated a gross white and I constantly have a weird taste in my mouth, no matter how much I brush.
Slept SO much today and now I am awake at 1 am, feeling very alert and fit (go figure!).
I am no longer heinously cranky, thank god. My skin, which looked decidedly gray these last couple of days, is starting to look very clear and vibrant today.
I took a hot soaking bath with sandalwood oil and that calmed my gurgling tum down very much.
This evening saw a resurgence in food cravings, which was odd. I also have zero attention span right now.
~my brand new top loading washing machine's pump died ~the filter on the shop vac needed replacing because the eaters vac'd up disgusting things I won't mention on here. ~had to deal with 13 yr. old adolescent boy's bed room nastiness *shudder* these things are added to the minor disasters I discovered the other day, namely:
~my gas stove decided to die ~found carpenter ants eating my 100 yr old front porch
Of course, I remedied 67 percent of the problems (because I am Superwoman). Everything else can be hired out, cleaned, or purchased, thank goodness. The kid's room was cleaned (with my assistance with the floor washing. I wanted to make sure that 'boy funk' smell was gone).
In other news (more MC related than the above):
I am now experiencing the 'loads of energy' boost that kicks in around this time. I feel productive enough to possibly clean my entire upstairs and start on completing the renovations in the bathroom there. I need to spackle/paint/put up backsplash/finish the design on the vanity/poly the dark oak floors/put up toe molding and baseboards (not that much, eh?).
One thing I noticed about the energy boost part of the cleanse-- if it is accompanied by any sort of angry adrenaline rush, it makes one dizzy and takes the wind out of your sails. I am not
eliminating as much as I should be, so I am super cranky (well, less
than yesterday) still. I need to increase the intake of the swill and
make sure to drink lots of Smooth Move tea. Lack of eliminations can make a MCer pretty testy. Yeah, there's a reason why folks do the SWF, but I still can't justify it. I detest it and would rather try out other options of torture.
I contemplated putting up before/after pics in bikinis or some other revealing garb, but I am not quite brave enough to do this. I am down about 10.5 lbs so far, which is amazing. My blood pressure was 97/83, another thing I am happy about. For a long time I couldn't get the diastolic number under 100, so this is incredibly encouraging.
except for when it's my body in a bikini in a public blog
yeah, this sums up my blog exactly...
I am now off to drink a
hot cuppa tea in a darkened, quiet room until my Zen returns... then
attempt to finish up they myriad of things I need to do.
6 pm
The problem with increasing your intake whilst wishing for elimination is that you get what you wish for- urgently and painfully.
That's what I am doing this evening- all evening, or at least until the torture stops. Of course, that is EXACTLY when my father arrives.
Murphy's law states that the minute you want to use the toilet or have an orgasm, SOME member of your family will knock on your door or show up.
It's similar to the Murphy's law that makes it impossible to go to the grocery store in an unkempt state without running into someone that you never want be caught looking like shit in front of.
Another one is that the minute you wear white pants or a skirt, you will either bleed on it or spill something disgusting on it.
Later, later- 9 pm
The part of the night that really blows on this cleanse has begun! Usually, I am ok as long as I don't watch tv with commercials. There are food commercials every 5 minutes, just bombarding us constantly. It's so much more noticeable when you're on the MC (naturally).
The cravings were squashed by drinking 2 more cups of swill and doing stuff. Bait and switch does help... I am like a two year old right now.
11:30 pmSo, I am reading the MC forums and I find this post about some guy in NZ who began passing little stones out of his rectum while cleansing. It's very interesting.
Size 16 in the 1950s = a modern US 6/8. This woman wasn't remotely 'plus sized'. Sorry, folks.
WARNING! TODAY'S BLOG IS FILLED WITH BITCHING AND MOANING!
6:45 pm
I am about 10 lbs less than when I started, which means I am losing the 'Beyonce just gave birth' look and am now back into Marilyn Monroe T & A territory again. I've done previous MCs
that resulted in only a pound a day loss or less... this one seems to be
melting off the excess water weight at a more rapid pace (and I am drinking tons of liquids,
btw). My tummy, which is pretty flat normally, is starting to look like it's old self again. I've always wished I could've been slim hipped and long legged, but as I get older I've started to appreciate my body type a bit more. There aren't too many real hourglasses out there.
Speaking of hourglasses, I have no idea why websites keep talking about how Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, hence 'plus sized'. As a rabid vintage fashion seamstress, I can tell you that this is NOT the case at all. Size 16 in 1950s pattern speak equals a modern US size 6/8. Here is a link to another person with more info on the same pet peeve here.
In the end, people see whatever they want to see.
The only negatives today are a few headaches, some fatigue now and then, some cranky stuff... otherwise, I am feeling better than in the previous days. I had a couple of food cravings, mostly late at night. They've been pretty easy to combat. In addition to the cranky, I am also surly. I guess you could say that my biggest negative is that I am rather negative today. It's one helluva detox, that's for sure.
I've spent a good part of the afternoon reading other people's day 4 MC blogs. What pisses me off the most about reading these are all the people with 'more energy than they've ever had before in their entire freaking lives' posts. I certainly cannot say the same thing and I don't know what I'd do if I could say it right now. (I'd probably be pissed off that I had too much energy, which would interrupt my sleep). So, yeah, I am definitely surly AND cranky today.
The eaters in my house ordered delivery pizza and it smells like someone heated up a pan of pure fish sauce and then let the aroma waft violently though the house. I am not even remotely tempted by that odor.
I have SO much stuff to do in my house and garden, but absolutely ZERO (O) desire to attempt anything. I am even too zonked to do fun beauty things to myself. Apathy and fatigue are the owners of my day.
This is not an 'after' pic of me post-Master Cleanse
It is day 3 and I am cranky as hell. I will briefly mention that I saw a news article about a man who made mummies out of McDonalds burgers (because they don't rot). My stomach was immediately turned thinking of all the hamburgers I've eaten over the three thousand years I've been alive. My intestines are not happy this morning... so I will blame years of MickeyD abuse and pout until it's over.
Insomnia struck last night as well. I didn't get to sleep until 6 am. This MC day has been brought to you by the mini-series "The Thorn Birds" and Richard Chamberlain. I've turned to over-melodramatic 80s television during these difficult first days and I don't know if that's a good thing. I spent my evening trying to find any glimmer of gay that could've peeped through his straight character's cracks and I must say that the priest bit covers it up slightly. The man-child-elderly woman love triangle was somewhat disturbing to me, though. I don't think that they could get away with making something like this now. Our current modern world is shamelessly sanitized and PC.
I haven't made any swill yet-- I've been up for exactly 2 hours, with no desire for anything except a fist fight at this point. The headache has miraculously gone away, but the dogs are driving me nuts. Living with three Newfoundlands (2 adults-1 pup), not always a treat. My hearing is different since starting this MC. I've noticed that sounds are louder over the last two days. It's been a major pain in the ass... R gave them bones and the "crunch, crunch, crunch" grinding of teeth against bone for 30 minutes straight is worse than nails on a chalkboard.
I took the pup (Tiberius, who is now almost 4 months old) out to potty in the noon sun. I was so dizzy a few times that I had to stop and steady myself. I contemplated doing some gardening, then I realized the madness in that line of thinking. I have 5 bags of black mulch that will have to continue to be yard ornaments for a while longer.
Tiberius the Silver Newf pup
it's gotta be the detox if even this amount of cute can't snap you out of a bad mood
As I was typing that last bit out, R handed me a freshly made glass of MC swill. I think my detox evil was getting to him. He's also making tea right now, thank goodness. 2 cups have gone down my hatch! Only 4-10 cups to go!
(I don't drink coffee during the MC, but see nothing wrong with tea. I normally drink very little caffeine as a rule, but find that hot teas help during the cleanse.)
ain't that the truth
So... in 3 days I am down 8 lbs (water weight from my period) and I still don't feel like much is happening.
Me (lifting my shirt up, so that R can see): Do you notice a difference? Is it doing anything?!
R: Your waistline is smaller, but it's only been 3 days. It would help if you worked out a little bit.
Me: It would help if I could stand upright, bucko. I am supposed to be gentle with myself the first couple of days.
R (as he runs for safety): Yeah, and in the meantime, you're not being gentle with anyone else in this house.
I have to admit, he's right about that.
Later that day: Yeah, I am a ferocious MC nazi beast right now, I admit it. Detox nastiness is very much like having PMS hormonal mood swings-- after being bitten by a rabid squirrel, then left untreated until you foam at the mouth yourself. To make all the emotional stuff even better, add the last episode of The Thorn Birds when everyone Meggie loves dies. By 7 pm I had puffy, teary eyes and snot running down my nose from watching that melodramatic crap. Five minutes after THAT, I am informed that our stove has decided to die (which is ok for me right now, I'm on the master cleanse) AND that carpenter ants have decided to infest my front porch. Apparently, there is a hole in the boards the size of my palm.
Swill intake for the day (thus far) is only 4 cups (plus 2 cups of white tea and copious liters of water).
I spent the afternoon relatively pain-free (and craving free/headache free *knock wood*). My father dropped off his 14 week old Newfoundland pup (one of mine from our litter in January). Dozer (my dad's dog) and Tiberius (my puppy) received their weekly baths today, so I was drenched with water for most of the time he was here.
Dozer and Tiberius the 14 week old Newf pups
Keeping busy is definitely a great way to combat cravings, at least until you feel like you're going to keel over. Sappy movies, blogging, reading things (like before/after websites of other MC victims) also help. In my past MCs, I've caved in and logged MANY, MANY hours of food porn... for those who don't know what that is: glossy, delicious internet images of food=food porn. I'd plan entire meals or my diet after the cleanse. It becomes like a sickness. One can overcome these things by having other interests or projects. Exercise helps, too. Sleep is great. Pamper yourself, baby yourself- do whatever it takes to get you through the tough first few days. It *does* get better, I promise.
Also, you may experience detox chills/illness. These things usually indicate that you need to use the toilet. Once you've purged, folks tend to feel like their old selves again. Remember, you have to keep the pipes a-flowing during this cleanse.
Now I think I will go make more swill plus some tea...
After posting this blog earlier, this happened:
1. we discovered that carpenter ants were eating our porch 2. My stove broke 3. My niece who is 7 mos pregnant is in the hospital with some sort of seizure and had been unresponsive for an hour.
All this happened within an hour and a half. I need to breathe-
12:52 am:
Woke from a 2 hour 'nap', wishing I hadn't waken up. I still need to drink a bit more. Day 3 is traditionally the beginning of 'healing crisis' time. It's basically the hump day of the entire cleanse (though there will be many, many similar days, depending on how long you stay on the MC).
This evening I felt cold. I had to pile a couple of duvets on me to get warm-- even hot tea did nothing. I know from past experience that it means that my body needs to purge toxins. Once one uses the toilet, these weird symptoms disappear.
Later on, a warm bath, some swill and tea did the trick of fixing all of it.
I felt this way last night. If someone would've accidentally fallen on me, I would've killed and eaten them. I am not joking.
I woke up at 10 am, feeling fantastic and down a whopping SIX pounds!
Now, I know that this is just water weight (I am being visited currently by Aunt Flo, so water weight is what I am right now). When you're on your period and you lose 6 pounds overnight, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth :)
I started to nod off around noon, but was suddenly and rudely roused by the high school marching band that marches past my front door every day at pre-cise-ly 1 pm. They do this every April/May in preparation for our local Blossometime Festival and parade. It makes noontime napping impossible. So far, I've imbibed 2 cups of MC swill (6-12 cups are the minimum daily requirements). I've been making a large glass and DOWNING it like a shot over my kitchen sink to ensure I drink it all.
People have asked me what my thoughts are on the Salt Water Flush (SWF). I do NOT do the SWF. I have done it before and I detest it.
For those who don't know what SWF is, here's my description:
The SWF is a saline water concoction that some people drink every morning in order to 'flush' their systems out during the MC. You mix an ungodly amount (a couple of liters, I believe) of water with sea salt, until it's as salty as a can of undiluted Campbell's soup. (They actually have a recipe for it online) You then gulp the entire thing down AS FAST AS YOU CAN... and wait for the magic to happen.
Within 20-30 minutes, you should experience a distinct rumbling in your belly, which will often lead to debilitating and painful stomach cramps. At this point you should RUN straight for the loo/commode/toilet/bucket or anything handy within arm's reach and WAIT for the violent eruptions to commence. If you hate your neighbors, this is a great time to stick your fanny out of the window, for it WILL hit their house. For many, it's an evacuation like they've never seen before.
I think these folks might like the SWF better than I would.
Don't get me wrong, I love the Master Cleanse. However, I cannot fathom why anyone would want to pooplike thisevery damned morning. I often wonder who the sadistic jackass was that invented this form of quickie shit purging.
Instead, I opt for more gentle evacuation methods. I prefer Swiss Kriss, which is a senna based laxative, at bedtime. Smooth Move tea is also senna based and a great relief for sluggish bowels and toxin elimination. If you have a colonics place nearby, I recommend going to them at least once a week. In any detox/fast/cleanse, pooping is your Friend... I just don't need friends like the ones made by the SWF.
At the end of the day I was able to finish up with 6 glasses total. I slept off and on most of the day, so I wasn't very hungry. I also had a few liters of spring water.
My detox symptoms are mostly headaches and fatigue right now. Odd, as I have *also* been suffering from insomnia these last few days.
I drank some Sleepytime Extra tea tonight in hopes that it will knock me out.
This is probably going to hurt, folks. My advice is to lay low and stay in bed til it passes. We've been zapped all week by this stuff and now we have more to look forward to.
Yuck. Everybody has been complaining of ailments. It makes folks a wee bit testy, weepy, angry... gotta love solar maximum!
After 3 yrs of not being able to do the MC successfully (due to blissful happiness and having a person around who waits on me hand & foot and plies me with cheesecake at 3 am, 'just because'), I have committed to a full 30 days.
R is under strict orders not to ply me with anything non-lemonade/water/tea.
Here are the highlights from my day thus far:
The biggest issue for R is the fact that we found 17 morels this week in the woods.
R: Are you sure you want to do this? We have a refrigerator full of morel mushrooms.
(at this point, I feel my will power slackening slightly, but quickly am able to smack it back into submission)
Me: Get the food saver out and freeze them. I can cook them later.
R: ... but they'll be squished flat!
Me: Then buy some damned FREEZER bags. You don't even like mushrooms!!
He brought home the lemons, the maple syrup, and the cayenne this afternoon. I didn't even have my first glass until about an hour ago. I wasn't hungry, I had a killer PMS headache going on, and I have been horribly cranky/crampy for the last three days.
My friend, G stopped over with her 2 girls to see the puppy and to show me the new Mercedes. When I answered the door, I must've had this 'look' about me.
G: What's wrong?
Me: It's the first day of my master cleanse
G: Ok, see ya later!
... and she quickly bounded off my porch with the girls to the safety of her new car.
I am clearly incredibly toxic right now and in serious need of a detox.
yeah, I'm talkin' Brittney Spears toxic
I really feel good about these next 30 days. It's odd doing it without having a show to do or photos to take. Honestly, the Master Cleanse works best when you are a. paid to do it and b. have a deadline (with wardrobe fittings)
(I do have one deadline- a cardiology appointment in June. That's a good reason to do this, I just realized)
It also works really well when you are SINGLE and/or UNHAPPY, of which I am currently neither. (for those of you reading, let that be a lesson to you all! HAPPINESS MAKES YOU FAT!) R: You're NOT fat.
Me: If my boobs have their own area code, then there's a problem
R: I don't see a problem with that at all Yeah, I am still smaller than 70 percent of the people I know... but this is about HEALTH and the weight loss is actually secondary at this point. (but, yeah, my clothes are all sized 5/6 and my rear end is decidedly a straight-up size 8/9 right now. When my boobs leave Victoria Secret territory and start galloping at top speed to Frederick's of Hollywood territory, there is a *major* problem.)
Oh, and throw in the fact that I've vowed (yes, I said VOWED), I would also work out, albeit gently, while I cleansed, I have my work cut out for me.
(I love the weighted hula hoop SO much... and all you have to move is your core) Thank God I am always up for a challenge and occasional body deprivation.
My OCD needs to keep me involved.
R (upon arriving home from class): I have a FECKIN' headache.
Here is an overview of the detoxification stages during a juice fast. The time periods are a general estimation:
Stage 1 (Day 1 To Day 2) On the first day of fasting, the blood sugar level drops below 70
mg/dl. To restore the blood to the normal glucose level, liver glycogen
is converted to glucose and released into the blood. This reserve is
enough for half a day. The body then reduces the basal metabolic rate
(BMR). The rate of internal chemical activity in resting tissue is
lowered to conserve energy. The heart slows and blood pressure is
reduced. Glycogen is pulled from the muscle causing some weakness. The
first wave of cleansing is usually the worst.
Headaches, dizziness, nausea, bad breath, glazed eyes and a heavily
coated tongue are signs of the first stage of cleansing. Hunger can be
the most intense in this period unless the enema is used which quickly
assists the body into the fasting state by ending digestion in the
colon.
Stage 2 (Day 3 To Day 7) Fats, composed of transformed fatty acids, are broken down to
release glycerol from the gliceride molecules and are converted to
glucose. The skin may become oily as rancid oils are purged from the
body. People with problem-free skin may have a few days of pimples or
even a boil. A pallid complexion is also a sign of waste in the blood.
Ketones are formed by the incomplete oxidation of fats. It is suspected
that the ketones in the blood suppress the appetite by affecting the
food-satiety center in the hypothalamus. You may feel hungry for the
first few days of the fast. This effect is temporary. The desire to eat
will disappear. Lack of hunger may last 40 to 60 days, depending on
whether you are on water or juice.
The body embraces the fast and the digestive system is able to take a
much-needed rest, focusing all of its energies on cleansing and
healing. White blood cell and immune system activity increases. You may
feel pain in your lungs. The cleansing organs and the lungs are in the
process of being repaired. Periodically, the lymphatic system expels
mucoid matter through the nose or throat. The volume excreted of this
yellow-colored mucus can be shocking. The sinuses go through periods of
being clogged, then will totally clear. The breath is still foul and the
tongue coated. Within the intestine, the colon is being repaired and
impacted feces on the intestinal wall start to loosen.
Stage 3 (Day 8 to Day 15) On the latter part of an extended fast, you can experience enhanced
energy, clear-mindedness and feel better than you have felt since
childhood. On the downside, old injuries may become irritated and
painful. This is a result of the body's increased ability to heal during
fasting. If you had broken your arm 10 years before, there is scar
tissue around the break. At the time of the break, the body's ability to
heal was directly related to lifestyle. If you lived on a junk-food
diet, the body's natural healing ability was compromised.
During fasting, the body's healing process is at optimum efficiency.
As the body scours for dead or damaged tissue, the lymphocytes enter
the older, damaged tissue secreting substances to dissolve the damaged
cells. These substances irritate the nerves in the surrounding region
and cause a reoccurrence of aches from previously injured areas that may
have disappeared years earlier. The pain is good as the body is
completing the healing process. The muscles may become tight and sore
due to toxin irritation. The legs can be the worst affected, as toxins
accumulate in the legs. Cankers are common in this stage due to the
excessive bacteria in the mouth. Daily gargling with salt and water will
prevent or heal cankers.
Stage 4 (Day 16 to Day 30) The body is completely adapted to the fasting process. There is more
energy and clarity of mind. Cleansing periods can be short with many
days of feeling good in between. There are days when the tongue is pink
and the breath is fresh. The healing work of the organs is being
completed. After the detoxification mechanisms have removed the
causative agent or render it harmless, the body works at maximum
capacity in tissue proliferation to replace damaged tissue. While a
short fast will reduce the symptoms, a longer fast can completely heal.
Homeostatic balance is at optimum levels. The lymphatic system is clean
except for a rare discharge of mucus through the nose or throat. After
day 20, the mind is affected. Heightened clarity and emotional balance
are felt at this time. Memory and concentration improve.
Stage 5 (Breaking the Fast) The sticky, toxic, mucoid coating on the intestinal wall is loose,
and the first meal frees it from the intestinal wall. Toxins enter the
blood through the colon. The gallbladder dumps its waste in a heavy
discharge of bile. This can cause an instant bowel movement upon eating
followed by intense diarrhea. If the symptoms are too uncomfortable, an
enema will help.
Autolysis
After
fasting for several days, the body goes into a condition known as
"autolysis". This is when the body starts to feed on itself because you
are giving it no solid food to feed off of. Fortunately, the body in
it's brilliant design feeds on only the weak, diseased, dying, or dead
cells. All of the vital organs, the heart, liver, kidneys, and the brain
are spared and because of the absence of all of the sickly cells in
your body, your vitals are actually rejuvinated and made healthier
because of the clean bloodstream and unadulterated oxygen now
circulating throughout your body.
_________________
Sometimes a woman feels like she's trapped in the Valley of the Dolls, a victim of her own self-loathing.
We all do this, at one time or another.
Sometimes, we need to kick our OWN selves in the tuchas and jump start our lives.
If I can be a catalyst to help others take back their power, even one person, then I've done my job.
We *all* deserve to be happy, empowered, AND healthy.
Over the last few days I've been thinking about the things in my life that I want to change and the reasons WHY I want to do them. I don't get this way often, but when it hits, it hits hard.
I've also been kind of going backwards and reliving certain aspects of my past, in order to try to suss out the reasons why I did what I did then and what I was *truly* feeling at the time. I've discovered that I am so much happier the older I get and wonder why that is true for me, but often not for others in my peer group.
When I was younger, I was often in the public eye. I was photographed a lot. That sort of thing puts tremendous pressure on a young woman to keep thin, to lose weight, to never feel satisfied with how one looks. Romantic partners with their own issues regarding age/looks can help to reinforce these negative thoughts. Women become objects of worship, of loathing, of lust. We become trapped in the sticky web of the Whore-Madonna syndrome of youth. Was it exciting? Sure. Was I happy? Hell no.
(I am still a great fan of lust, don't get me wrong here...)
A friend and I were talking just the other day about the odd paradox of relationship happiness and the growth of ass fat. When a woman is in a happy relationship, she often gains weight. The paradox is that when she gains weight, she in turn becomes unhappy with herself. A partner who tells their woman "I love you just the way you are" can sometimes find themselves at the receiving end of unexpected animosity.
When we are in unhappy or uneasy relationships, some women tend to lose weight or obsess over their looks. The thought here often is: "I am beautiful, I am fit, why am I still not good enough for him/her?" Even if this goes unsaid, it's still there, festering beneath the surface.
The Pushme-Pullyou of the Female Psyche.
Why is this? I believe it is because people are mirrors of each other. We humans often look into the eyes of others to try to see ourselves. We are tribal creatures. We thrive on approval and whatever we perceive as Love (which *does* vary from person to person depending upon what type of nurturing style you received as a child).
Quite frankly, I've never really wanted to look good for anyone but myself. Being self-absorbed sometimes has it's advantages. So many women I know have the opposite issue- they *need* to be validated through another person's eyes instead of their own. They thrive upon the approval and opinions of others. I really feel for these women. It seems to me that in some cases they've given their power away and are helpless to get it back (if they even had it in the first place).
After a woman hits 40, I feel it's time to ditch Lolita and embrace the Warrior Goddess inside each of us.
These are the times to not give a flying f&*k and start LOVING of yourself, without having to worry about if you're dressing appropriately for your age or if you're 'conservative' enough, et cetera. I believe I have earned the right to my opinions, my healthy self-esteem (which, like everyone, ebbs and flows), and my RIGHT to not pander to the opinions of others.
I believe that Beauty comes in ALL shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds.
On the flip side, I also think that overweight is the number ONE cause of illness in the United States. People no longer understand what a healthy weight LOOKS LIKE.
When I gain just 20 lbs, my own blood pressure sky rockets, so I am very intimate with the correlation between overweight and health.
When I say that we don't know what healthy LOOKS like, I don't mean that we all should look like the cookie-cutter Skeletor-armed visages that we see in Vogue.
I am talking about being healthy for one's frame and body type.
I have friends who are big girls who have ZERO health problems... and then there are people like me who are normally small that get loads of health problems if they gain 20 lbs or so.
The US has seen a huge increase in obesity over the last 30 yrs. I believe that this is due to food additives, hormones, steroids, and whatever else Big Business and Big Pharma have been doctoring our food supply with.
